Drastic times call for drastic measures

I think it is really imprtant to recount the last couple of weeks of Elliott's sleeping (not hour for hour, but the high- and low-lights), for the historical record. I'm doing it mainly so we don't forget what transpired, after all, you often repress bad memories, or embellish them to a point where they are much worse than reality.

As I alluded to in the last post, our return from Hobart (2nd trip) was filled with the hope that we may have turned the corner in terms of Elliott's night time sleeping habits... However that hope soon evaporated. Sadly, the first 3 nights went straight back to where we were before heading to Hobart. Multiple wake ups during the night (typically somewhere in the following time brackets 9-10pm, 12-1am, and 3-4am), and the difficulty was having to settle Elliott in our arms (challenging in itself because he's so big... 95th centiles for height and weight) but then almost without fail him waking when we put him in the cot! It would typically take us 3 tries of getting to sleep before we could successfully put him down and exit the room (with silent haste).

Then on the 4th night at home (06/03/08) it all happened! Elliott did his waking and not settling thing at about 10pm and then Kel and I spent the next 2.5 hours alternately rocking him to sleep and then him waking and crying once we put him down. The most frustrating part was that once he was in our arms he'd settle, almost immediately, but erupt into a full cry the minute we put him down. We got to 12:30am and could not see an end in sight, so sleep deprived and desperate, we made the call, time for "controlled comforting/crying" (I prefer the term comforting as it sounds kinder). So, we spent the next 2.5 hours listening to waves of some really hard core crying (screaming, more like it)! The system was, we would go into his room after giving him the chance to settle himself for 5, then 10, then 15, then 20 minutes and then at 20 minute intervals until he's asleep. When we'd go in we wouldn't pick him up, but just use a comforting voice to reassure and "shush" him for about a minute and then leave the room for the next interval of time (theoretically settling himself). The following morning Kel overheard the neighbours saying, "...there's no way we would let her (their daughter) carry on like that...", which initially made her feel pretty bad. But then we thought, "well, there's nothing we can do about it, we're doing what we think is right for Elliott". Kel went around to the neighbour's house and apologised for the noise (without letting on that she'd heard them talking).

This was one of the hardest things we've had to do so far, but we felt like there was no alternative. The rocking to sleep thing had well and truly stopped working and there were no other options. One of the most frustrating things about Elliott's sleeping habits since the beginning was that he does not like to be comforted while in his cot ie: patting etc... (in fact it aggravates him). In the end, as hard as it was, we both found the control comforting much easier than nursing him to sleep (with the full knowledge that he was unlikely to stay asleep). One of the critical differences was that we were both out of the room and able to comfort/support/reassure each other through the rough stuff. We think it actually brought us even closer together as parents. Another hard part about previously rocking him to sleep was the knowledge that we weren't actually helping Elliott in the long run - we knew it was important for him to learn how to self-soothe. Now he is able to do that SO much better and it feels good as parents to know we have helped him to learn such an important skill.

Anyway, fast forward to now (2.5 weeks later) and ever since that night we have put Elliott to bed by taking him into his room, saying "goodnight" to Glow-worm, singing a lullaby (usually twinkle twinkle little star), and then put him in his cot awake. He typically goes to sleep with little more than a whimper , if anything, and when he does do a little bit of a cry, it is a protest cry rather than a distressed cry. I'm not saying that this was the scenario from the second night we started the new regimen, but there has not been a night like the first one (2.5 hours of solid, wake-the-neighborhood crying). Those next few night we'd usually have to go in once or twice (ie: 5 and 10 minute breaks) but then he'd get off to sleep. We've since had to do the whole thing from the start just once (which is apparently quite common to need to do), but again, no where near as much as the first time.

We've talked a lot about it these last couple of weeks, and we are both convinced that it would not have worked any sooner. First we had to make a number of changes to his routine, based mostly around reducing the chance that he would vomit if we let him cry more than a few minutes. We reduced the volume of his bottle-feeds, 200mls to 150mls. Then we moved dinnertime earlier (6pm to 5:30pm) and we also separated all his bottles from bedtimes (so there were no unsustainable cues for sleep). After we did all of this, the vomiting stopped completely. And then, we had to reacquaint ourselves with the sound of him crying (he certainly belts it out - just ask number 48 Mawson Street). I think we'd had such a good run of him being a very settled baby without much crying, that I developed a sensitivity/phobia to the sound of his cry. Most of the books point out the a babies cry is no necessarily a sign or emotional distress, rather, crying is the major form of verbal communication. Anyway, I had to get used to the sound of him crying again, and resist the urge to instantly rush to comfort him.

Thankfully everything came together and we are now in a much more sustainable routine, where Elliott is able to settle himself to sleep. We all feel much better about this, rocking him to sleep was certainly doing him no favours, and as parents it was important to teach him to settle himself (every though it was emotionally difficult for us). We are under no illusions that things will not get tough again in one way or another, thats the lot of being a parent. As I've said before, the worrying about your child is the part I never would have anticipated. But the joy of it all is exhilarating.

Elliott has been sleeping though on most nights for the majority of the last 2 weeks and one of the nicest things is that when he wakes up in the morning, we often bring him into our bed and he is really cuddly for 10-15 minutes (before he gets bored and demands to go out and start the day).

Alison and James' Wedding

Seems like we only just got back to Newcastle and we were off to Hobart again, this time for a very special wedding!

A little bit of Elliott specific background first though. The little guys night sleep pattern had been going from bad to worse in the intervening weeks. We ended up being stuck in the habit of him falling asleep in our arms and then being put to bed, the problem being that this had become the only way he could get to sleep. The trouble is that he began to wake multiple times in the night, each requiring re-rocking to sleep, but then it was almost impossible to put him in his cot without him re-waking... go directly to gaol, do not pass go, do not collect $200 etc... (ie. start rocking again). With this routine we were in his room for hours on end each night, and there was usually a threshold.. about 4 am, beyond this he just would not go back to sleep. Of course the reason we got to that point was that Elliott was routinely vomiting in his cot if we put him to bed, not yet asleep, and let him cry for any length of time. We just didn't have enough sheets or wondersuits to keep doing that every night!

Anyway, being in that position most would be a little nervous about another trip away from home, however, Hobart agreed with Elliott and Elliott agreed with Hobart. The little guy slept like a champion, every night we were down there! A great relief to us, after a couple of months of nightly turmoil.


Now on with the good stuff!!!! The wedding... what a wonderful couple of days we had.It was Elliott's first wedding (of course) and he scrubbed up pretty well for it as you can see in the photos. Alison and James organised a fantasic couple of days that really gave all that attended a taste of what Tasmania and in particular Hobart have to offer. The wedding was on a historic ferry and what a backdrop, drifting down the Derwent river! The bride and bridesmaid were stunning, and the Groom and best man dashing, and together they threw quite a party at the Henry Jones art Hotel (we stayed in the swishest room that Elliott is likely to see for some time).


Another particularly nice thing was that so much family were together, including some Elliott hadn't met (and I had not see for many years). It goes without saying that the little guy won over some new admirers. Most agreed that he was even cuter in the flesh (especially Aunty Maureen and Aunty Joan)! Elliott got to spend plenty of time with his Nan, and Pa, Steve and Adel, Nicole, Dan, and of course Alison and James who were their usual generous selves, bending over backwards to make sure everyone had a great time. It was also great to get to know James' family a bit better. A special mention must go to Ali Walker, who had organised a baby sitter for the reception. I went up stairs and put Elliott to bed (with the usual rocking), and thankfully in true Hobart form, he only woke once and got himself back to sleep without any help. The baby sitter had brought some reading material and I think she probably got through most of it! We were a little on edge for most of the night (checking mobiles for a call or message... but none came. Eventually, after a few drinks we eased into the evening, and had a great time, drinking, chatting and dancing the night away. Sympathetic to our big night, Elliott slept through (can't tell you how amazing that was) and got us up at the very reasonable hour of 7 am. The next day we went to James' Dad's house for a BBQ lunch and spent a lazy afternoon chilling out, enjoying the endless volunteers keen to entertain Elliott, and chatting about the wonderful event the day before.

Finally, after spending most of the next day hanging out with the newlyweds we got a ride out to the airport and flew home (again Elliott was a great flyer, though this was the first trip where he had not fall asleep in transit). This was also the first flight he needed a nappy change... seriously, I don't know what they were thinking when they designed the pull-down change tables in the toilet (which of course are microscopic). We would have done better changing him on the pulldown tray you eat your meals off (more room). We eventually got back to home sweet home, hoping that our newly found sleeping habits would remain.

Sadly Elliott had other ideas but that is a story for another post (there was a time soon after our return when we thought moving to Hobart may be the only solution to a reasonable nights sleep)!